1. |
Overture (Woman of God)
04:02
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Wars ensue around her,
But she remains a still, steady flame.
She is the torch that carries the fire of her Father's love.
She wears peace like a robe,
And collects joy in her handbag.
She carries mountains on her back.
Her depth is unmeasurable.
She steps confidently into darkness.
Though she does not know the way,
She knows the One who orders her steps.
Her voice carries like the wind,
And the wind responds to her breath.
She models her Heavenly Father - stepping in time with the Author of time.
Her presence commands a room;
It changes atmospheres and sets the temperature.
She is quick to listen, and slow to speak,
For when she does, her voice shakes the ground and chains begin to fall.
She is not an ordinary woman.
She is a woman of God.
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2. |
A Call to Die
05:44
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Take my empty worship and give it life.
Take my noisy praise and give it meaning.
What’s the use of praising an almighty God, when my praise is a bunch of sound?
You break my bones and flesh to make me stronger.
You watch my broken heart as it bleeds.
You hear my tear-filled cries, and to each one You reply,
“I am here, and I’m drawing you nearer.”
So take my life away so you can live it.
Tear my sinful heart out of my chest.
What’s the point of moving and breathing, if no one is receiving something more?
Help me leave myself, so I can follow You.
I give You all my lists so You can burn them.
Your heart beats fastest when I’m on me knees.
You hear my tear-filled cries, and to each one You reply,
“I am here, and I’m drawing you nearer.”
Even when I don’t really want You, I know that I need You.
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3. |
Mountain
02:48
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Growing up in Alaska, I was always surrounded by mountains. They were my loyal, silent friends resting in the background of every scene of my childhood. However, it wasn’t until I moved out of state and then returned to my home town that I realized the depth and the true significance that mountains had in my life. As a perfectionistic control freak, I really struggle with the execution of surrender. There are very few things that can actually override my anxiety or my need to out-perform or succeed. Music is definitely one of them, but the other is spending time outdoors. There is a mystery - a peace and a wonder that invades when you really stop, stare, and scan a mountain from top to bottom. You realize just how small and insignificant you are, and how vast and untouchable this landscape is. It is only when you plug into or connect with something greater than yourself, that your true potential is finally activated. The revelation of one’s full potential is initially born out of the realization of one’s inadequacy. To put it plainly, in order to feel big, you must first realize that you are small, and to reach new heights, you must first start by being made low.
Mountains have also taught me a lot about resilience. They endure years and years of weather change and environmental dangers, and yet their magnificence still remains. They don’t have to try to be beautiful or prove themselves to the world - they just simply are. If only we could be more like them in all areas of life: identity, self-worth, love, friendships, work, adversity, crisis, grief…the list goes on. One lesson I’ve learned over time is that the primary mountain in my life is God. In every ebb and flow of my life, and even throughout my deconstruction, His love has not wavered. His “big-ness,” if you will, has always had a way of reminding me just how small and powerless I am - and this is a very good thing.
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4. |
Authority
02:33
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The voice of my God is still and small
So why should I feel powerless to speak at all?
It’s not about volume, it’s not about size.
Authority resides in the fire of His eyes.
Let me walk in authority
As the woman you made me to be
Help me give up my right to always be right
Let me walk in authority
Wake-up call…
They tell me I’m different, they tell me I’m strange.
So maybe I should alter, maybe I should change.
But I’ve fought for my freedom to live as myself.
It’s time to put opinions of others on the shelf.
Wake-up call…
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5. |
Judgment
03:39
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My ears are so numb from the voices of Christians who talk more than they actually do
At the end of the day, I know God is the judge
Hypocrisy is a darn funny thing.
Year after year I’ve come up with a list of the things I desire in a man
And year after year I’ve been humbled again by God’s more or less desirable plan.
Is it my job to judge my brothers?
Is it my job to judge my sisters?
We’re all human anyway.
We’re all human after all.
As a girl, the church taught me to place all my worth in a marriage, and raising a family
But the the plot twist herein, is God’s guided me differently.
Maybe I should forgive them, too.
Jesus died for our culture of date rape and addiction, just as much as he died for homophobia and lust
He without sin may cast the first stone
With my arms at my side, let me love them alone
With my arms at my side, let me love them alone
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6. |
Relationship
02:58
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Loneliness is the evidence of fear.
And while I’m afraid to be lonely, I’m also afraid to draw near.
Brokenness is all around us, my dear.
I try to repair what is broken
But come to find there’s somebody else working in there.
Let Him romance us into righteousness
Romance us into righteousness
Romance us into righteousness
Many hearts feel anxiety
But what if we gave up control,
Lived with hearts exposed, let our stories unfold
As we love without fear?
Happiness is a curious thing.
We tend to look for it elsewhere
But it’s hiding inside, always hard to find
Without sweat, without tears
Learning by leaning, loving, and leading. Growing by grace.
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7. |
Interlude
00:30
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I didn't sign up for a surface-level love
I want to know the depths of You
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8. |
Depths of You
03:56
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I’m done asking for favors
I’m finished putting in requests
All I want from You, Jesus
Is to lay my head against your chest
So won’t You comfort me softly,
As I let out all my cries.
Turn my tears into ointment,
That brings healing as it dries.
I didn’t sign up for a surface-level love,
I want to know the depths of You, I want to know the depths of You.
I didn’t sign up for a surface-level love,
I want to know the depths of You.
So I will offer You my silence.
I will offer You my screams.
Gather everything within me.
Turn my droplets into streams.
I will sing to You in private.
I will romance You alone.
You’re the one writing my story.
Let my pain point toward Your throne.
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9. |
Hope
02:24
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Hope is, the life inside
Giving us breath
That allows us to survive
Breathe deep.
Breathe deep, my soul.
Gather this momentum, and never let it go.
It’s time to let go.
My love, requires connection.
Will you hold My hand,
Surrendering perfection?
Miss, mourn, then move on.
Your destiny is not defined by the emotion of this song.
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10. |
Perfectionism
02:04
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Striving has become my newest addiction
Splitting open every cell of my being
With the hope of newness being formed out of the ruins
When in reality I just end up coming full circle with my pain
Why can’t I learn to love the process like every other professing Christian out there?
Why was I created to move about the world, powered by a never-ending sense of urgency?
Why do I endlessly crave certainty like it’s the latest drug?
Perfectionism is poison,
It’s crawling through my veins,
It’s assaulting my identity
And assigning me false names
For a long time I defended it,
I flaunted it around.
I took it daily with my vitamins,
Until it put me in the ground.
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11. |
Silence the Cynic
03:10
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Silence the cynic in me
Teach me once again, how to breathe
Take me back to the start, help me open my heart
Silence the cynic in me
Arrest my desire to know
Just how every part of my story should go
May Your truth still unfold as my story is told
Arrest my desire to know
Criticism is my own prison, it’s
My best friend and worst enemy
Judgment finds me, and defines me
I give up, won’t You set me free?
Correct the aversion within
Help me come to terms with the weight of my sin
Let the negatives show opportunities to grow
Correct the aversion within
Let the silence be what sets me free
As the cynic becomes my enemy
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12. |
Thoughts on Transition
01:52
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All I ever wanted out of life was to move forward - to make my way up the ladder of success, always believing that someday I’d arrive - but never embracing the mess.
I have always been a victim of perpetual transition - moving from one five-year goal to the next. Well here I am, not five years later…but MORE, and it seems I’ve developed an allergy to rest.
This has lead me to wonder: Do we ever really arrive? Do we ever fulfill every dream that’s inside? Our hearts are always longing for more - never fully knowing what’s in store. What’s truly worth pursuing in the end?
You know… A lot of people say that process can be pretty, but I’m honestly more interested in the product that all of my processes will bring. Will I look back one day and be able to say that I spent every second really living?
In my twenty-seven years of life on the earth, I’ve learned a few valuable things. One of which, I regret to say, I never could completely get, and that’s cherishing the in-between.
Good thing God’s in our midst, and he mostly exists, in the invaluable in-between.
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13. |
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Here we are
Here we are again beneath the North star
I can hear You in the night
Telling me that it will be alright
I like
How I feel smaller underneath the open night sky
If only time could just slow down
Long enough so I could keep You around
Sticks and stones and kings and thrones
Wrestling with my enemy
By myself but I’m never alone
This could be the death of me - learning from the in-between
There it was, out of the corner of my eye
In a moment I was given
Everyone’s permission to slow down
I know
That when the day breaks every single fear will soon show
Is it all left up to fate?
Will I build, or will I suddenly break?
Building tension
Resurrection
Save me
Oh save me
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14. |
Stillness
02:36
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In the stillness
In the silence
In the stillness
There bleeds my Maker
There breathes my Savior
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15. |
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Am I enough?
Will you let Me satisfy?
As you try and try and try so hard to get just what you want out of this life?
Am I enough?
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Amber Mattfield Port Angeles, Washington
Hailing from Anchorage, Alaska, independent artist Amber Roskamp (Mattfield) is a musician, songwriter, orchestra teacher, and worship leader, all of which allow her to focus on one goal - connecting human hearts to the Father through music. Amber aims to bridge the gap between a holy God and the messy human experience, by setting honest stories, personal psalms, and life experiences to music. ... more
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